


The glass ceiling

by Onediewreckshun



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorder, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, may trigger
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-18 08:03:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1420756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onediewreckshun/pseuds/Onediewreckshun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis was a flower<br/>Harry was a rock<br/>The time between them built a tower<br/>And soon began to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One.

"You need help, Lou." Harry's voice was shaky and it caught in his throat. "I'm fine." Louis didn't understand why Harry thought he needed help; why his breath was uneven and why his hands shook uncontrollably. It wasn't even a big deal really, Louis was simply on a much needed diet. He needed to make Harry understand. "I'm not kidding. You're not fooling anybody expect yourself, Louis. You need help." "We'll what if I don't want help? Huh? You don't own me and certainly can't control me, I make my own decisions and guess what?" Louis' eyes narrowed as he stood at the top of his toes so his eyes were level with Harry's. His breath was heavy, and his words stuck in the air, bouncing, echoing off of every surface in the tiny room. "I'm not getting help." Louis sank back onto his heels and turned towards the door, smirk full on and an irrational glare set in his glances, but before he could walk any further a hand wrapped and tightened on his forearm, forcing him onto the nearest wall. "You're sick." Harry gripped both of Louis' shoulders with a might Louis never knew he could even muster. "You're so _sick_ and." Harry stopped short, eyes softening and his grip eased by the slightest, "And you don't even realize it." At this point, Harry's hands had completely released Louis, and his shoulders sagged. "I can't do it anymore." Louis' eyes widened and his brows furrowed. "What are you talking abo-" "You aren't dating me, Louis. You're dating your eating disorder. Starving yourself, of course, makes you happier than I've ever made you." Louis was silent because he never thought he'd admit it, and as much as he's been trying to avoid it, it's the truth. But he can't let Harry know that. "Harry, it's not what you think-" "It is! It's exactly what I think because let me ask you something, Louis. If you had to spend your life with one thing, and one thing only, what would it be? Your disorder, or me?" Harry waited for a response that never came. Louis stood in front of his boyfriend, well- if he can still call him that, and stared into his eyes, the same eyes that were once full of sympathy. He dug deep and hard, searching for the mercy that once lingered there, but none had remained. Louis glanced down at his bare feet, hugging his tiny frame and shivering slightly due to his thin layer of clothing. He felt small and vulnerable under the intense green gaze that he thought he was under but, when Louis looked up once more, the only gaze he was under was the silver outlining of the stars and the shadow that the moon offered under the glass ceiling.


	2. "To think you actually loved me."

"Louis— stop. I can't do it anymore. We can't do this anymore." There was a pause on the line. "So you're.." Louis began, "You're breaking up with me?" Harry's breathing was shallow on the other end and Louis could feel Harry's frustration radiating through the phone and into Louis' bones. "So you're just. You can't even come see me? We're ending it like this? God, Harry, I thought it would be—" "I'm not breaking up with you. I'm not- I," Harry took a deep breath. "It's not like that. I just need to sort some things out." Louis furrowed his brows. "Like?" "Like my mind." Harry answered. "I'm sorry, Harry." "For what?" "Being a mess. Not loving you enough, being dumb and weird and probably annoying and I can see why you would want to— why anyone would want to break up with me. Like, who likes me anyway? I don't even have any friends, and I'm such a screw up." "You're not a screw up." "But I'm everything else, right? And it doesn't help that I'm fat." "You're -not- fat." "Don't lie to me. You and me both know how much I weigh—" "96 pounds? Yeah? Because that's pretty fat for a -twenty one year old- person. You need help, Louis." "I can't do it without you, Harry." Harry was silent. "You can Louis," "No I can't! I can't, Harry, can't you see? You're my motivation. You keep me going and keep my world going round. You're the ground that always supports me. My rock. I can't do anything without you, Haz. How am I supposed to  _live_ without you?" I love you. Louis forgot to say it but Harry started talking. "You don't need me. Nobody does." "Harry, wait, no, I need—" Louis began but the line way already dead. What did Harry mean? _Louis_  needed him! Harry had been acting tremendously strange and Louis decided that he was going to find out why. He scurried to find his keys, and left his flat with uncombed hair and baggy pajama pants that he had to pull up every few steps. He got in his car, and snacked a few crackers that he had stashed in there, all while heading off to Harry's step dad's house. Or mansion, or whatever. When he arrived, a silver car was parked on the driveway. _Yes,_  Louis thought. Harry was here. So he skidded up the pathway on knocked on the door a few times, as much as his frail hand would allow. He waited. And when no one answered, his mind started to race. Was Harry okay? Why wasn't he answering the door. Louis' eyes widened as he remembered the Glass Ceiling. Of course, the room with the Glass Ceiling led into the house through a sliding bookcase that served as a door. Louis felt like Anne Frank as he used the secret passageway. As he stepped into the house, he closed the bookcase behind him and found himself in the family room. Drapes hung over large, glass windows and fancy decor sprawled throughout every square inch. Even the wooden floors had designs carved professionally into them. It was quiet. But then it wasn't. A muffled groan caught Louis' attention, and he gingerly made his way to the staircase. Another groan. This time Louis identified it, though. Tears stung in his eyes when, along with Harry's groan, a higher, feminine moan followed. Louis found his way to Harry's bedroom door, sticking his ear to the it as he listened intently. The noises that followed disgusted Louis to a point that he had to sit down to make sure that he didn't faint, or whatever. Along with the moans and groans, Louis heard loud banging of springs and probably a headboard, as well. The feminine voice cried, "Yes! Yes, Yes!" Louis scoffed. Prissy girl. Louis always thought his and Harry's sex was special. Apparently that isn't what Harry thought. The girl squealed and whimpered and Louis hasn't really intended to become hard but he did. He did and he felt ashamed. No, not now. Not right now. He needed to stop this. Louis quickly stood up and knocked on the door. All sounds halted and whispers followed. Louis was only able to catch, "At the door." "Dad." "Be back." Louis hears a body moving off of the bed and footsteps. "Dad, I thought you weren't going to be home until later." It was Harry's voice. "Harry, it's not—" Louis sighed. "It's not your father." Louis watched the door open slightly and a mop of curls popped out. He watched as Harry's eyes instantly widened and he stepped out of the room and into the hallway in which Louis stood. "Look, Lou, It's not what you think it is—" "Do you really think I'm that dumb? I know I'm dumb, but—but I'm not that dumb! Ha," Louis chuckled lowly. "To think you actually loved me." Louis turned on his heels as he felt the tears rushing down his face, and he successfully made it out of the house before breaking down.


	3. "Put these on. Can't have an uninteresting porno vid, now can we?"

Louis sat in his car, aqua eyes as the sparkling surface of the ocean, while he let the tears fall. He sniffed and pounded the steering wheel, but considering his weakness and lack of muscle, he only caused a squeak out of the horn. His hands started to tremble and his mind wondered. Where had Louis gone wrong? In a lot of places, actually. He hadn't showed Harry the love that he deserved. He had been selfish, spending a good fraction of his time worrying about his diet when indeed he should have been worried about Harry. It was his fault that any of this happened. Louis deserved it, all of it, every single piece. Louis was startled by a cry. "Louis! Lou!" Harry was running towards Louis' car, flailing his limbs and shaggy hair. Louis was confused as to why he'd even come out of the house, and most definitely why he'd want Louis. Probably to like, tell him how worthless he was. Was. Is. Will always be. Louis gets it, he doesn't need to be told once more. Louis groped for his keys in his back pocket and shoved them into the ignition. "Louis— wait! Please, I—" Harry was at least a foot away from the car when Louis sped off, leaving the cries behind him, in the dust.

**_Harry's Pov_ **

Harry sunk to his knees, grieving at the sight of— nothing, actually. And that was it, nothing. There's supposed to be something. There was supposed to be Louis in his car, waiting for Harry, letting Harry explain everything. But no, he sped off, ignoring any and all pleads from Harry. Harry grabbed his phone from his pocket, unlocking the lock screen which absolutely did not in a million years have Louis plastered on it, butt naked, with the exception of loose suspenders. The sight of it caused Harry to chuckle quietly, savoring the memory of that night.

'''Louis sighed in pleasure at the heat of Harry's mouth on his nipple. Harry inched downwards, sweetly sucking the slit of Louis' belly button and then— "Wait!" Harry halted and looked up at Louis. "I'm sorry, have I— have I hurt you, love? I'm so sor—" Louis hushed Harry by placing two fingers onto his deeply reddened lips. "No, Not at all, I'm just thinking. Like, should we ever make a sex tape? Or something? The corners of Harry's lips turned upwards and he laughed. He laughed, big and full, teeth agape and head thrown back. Louis didn't understand Harry's sense of humor but went along with it and smiled hugely, partially due to Harry's sudden outburst. "Yeah, okay. We'll do that, Lou. How about now?" Louis felt his cheeks tingle and ignite with flames, a burning red thickness glow onto his face. "Don't make fun of me." Louis shoved Harry's shoulder. "I'm not making fun of you, Lou. I'm serious. I want to do this." At this point, any signs of a smile had dropped off of Harry's expression. "Oh." Louis was so shocked that he was at a loss of words. "Okay, um." Harry smirked. "I'll get my camera." He rolled off of Louis and rushed into the neighboring room. When Harry came back, though, he was not only holding a video recorder, but a pair of suspenders as well. He threw them to Louis, "Put these on. Can't have an uninteresting porno vid, now can we?" Harry winked. "Sex tape, you mean?" Louis corrected him. "Same difference." Harry said back. "No, porn is online, right? So that will just make this a sex tape because this won't be posted anywhere." Harry grinned, green eyes glinting with mockery, "Or will it?"'''

Harry speed dialed Louis' number, anxiously tapping his toes as he waited for him to pick up. Two rings. Three, and it went straight to voice mail which means Louis purposely dismissed the call. Harry sighed, shoved the phone back into his pocket and got into his car. He drove off, forcing the tears stinging in his eyes back.

**Louis' Pov**

Louis sat on his bathroom floor, thinking. He needed to get it out, the pain, the anger at his himself and Harry. He just didn't know how. He balled his fists in anger. 'What the fuck you loser? You're so dumb, it's your fault that Harry left you, you're worthless. You're nothing. You don't deserve him, you never have. He wouldn't care if you died in a hole, you know. Why don't you just do that?' Louis agreed with the voice. Why didn't just die? No one loved him. No one will. So what's the point? Of living? Of life, without anyone to care about you? Heck, Louis didn't even care about himself, he had no idea how he manages to believe that anyone cared for even a second. Anger, sadness, it seemed as if a new, mixed emotion had stirred its way inside of Louis. He forced his longest fingernail on the surface of his wrist, breaking the skin and drawing blood. It felt beautiful, it felt as if all of his burdens had lifted from his insides. Then there was pain, not bad, though. The good pain, like when you do something bad. You feel like you deserve it, y'know? And all at once, the high was over. Louis was back at square one but he still needed 'relief.' He drew his fingernail again, deeper into his wrist this time. The pain increased and he tumbled over, wincing. A familiar tune blasted throughout the room, and Louis flinched before remembering that his phone was still in his pocket. He grabbed it, but instantly regretted doing that because Harry's name and flashing in the screen and he couldn't. He couldn't talk to him, he couldn't take it. He knows he's nothing, a big waste of space. He just never thought he'd hear the words come from Harry. He sloppily tapped the Decline option and threw the phone across the tiled floor. Louis picked right back up from where he started, breaking skin in different parts of his arm, searching for the certain feeling of relief, digging low and deep. He was a gold miner, looking for the most precious of resources, the thing that kept the world running.

**_Harry's Pov_ **

Harry parked his car in front of Louis' flat and hopped out, tumbling up the stairs. He was seconds away from knocking on the door before he heard a shout. "Louis!" Harry tried for the knob, but if wouldn't budge. He pounded on the door. "Louis!" He heard the scream again. Harry stepped back, then hurdled himself towards the door with his shoulder. He did twice, three times. It was only on the fourth time that the lock detached and Harry rushed into the flat. "Louis?" Silence. _Shit._  Harry checked the bedroom. "Lou?" A whimper. But no from the bedroom. Harry followed the noise until he was in front of the bathroom door. He swiftly swung the door open and nearly had to shut his eyes at the sight. Harry hurried to the limp body in the room, in which consisted of tiny slits of blood, head to toe. "Louis— Oh, Jesus." Harry scooped the nearly-limp body into his arms, letting tears burn in his eyes and down his cheeks. "What have I done." Harry quietly cried into the crook of Louis' neck. Louis croaked. Harry panicked, pushing himself off of the ground whilst holding Louis, and laying him onto the counter. Harry grabbed a rag from the hamper and made it damp, pushing it into Louis' cuts. "You'll be fine, yeah? Stay with me, boo." Louis' eyes were only slits, but enough to see what Harry was doing to him. Louis also decided that it was a good time to sleep. So he did.


	4. Chapter 4

Louis awoke engulfed in burning sensations and stinging ripples tearing through the means of his vains, and the sick thing was he enjoyed every bit of it. 

He was, he realized, in his own bed, and he felt steady breaths on his neck along, with hands twice the size of his around his waist. 

He didn't deserve it, any of it. Why the fuck did Harry have to be there? Why did he have to find Louis in the bathroom? Why did he have to help him?

Why couldn't Louis just die?

While he felt all of this and a bit more, the pit of his stomach dropped and he could feel the food inside of it being pulled on tightly, as if wanting out. 

And that's exactly what it did.

Louis stumbled to the toilet and leaned over it while on his knees. He knew he'd always gagged while trying to scrub the back of his tongue with his toothbrush, so he figured it would result the same if he stuck his finger in the same place. 

Almost on cue, he up chucked and heaved forward, grabbing the sides of the toilet seat to steady himself. 

It was a lot.  
Louis felt tears stinging in his eyes as the food kept dumping from his lips and splashing into the dirty water. Couldn't breathe, couldn't think.   
Couldn't stop.

Pain, he remembered. It was pain and pain was good, despite how much pain didn't feel good at the moment. 

It did stop, though, a little while after and Louis felt relieved and anxious. 

Louis hasn't done it in such a long time, he thinks, the feelings of the bile in the back of his throat, itching towards his tongue then out of his mouth was all too familiar and he longed for it again. 

He purged three more times.

He didn't get back into his bed with Harry.

-—

Harry woke up around 11 and found Louis on the couch deadpanning the tv screen while surfing channels. 

Louis' eyes were red and crust formed around hips lips and his chin but Harry still wanted to kiss him.

"So why did you do it."  
Louis asked, eyes still boring into the tv.

Harry gave him a furrowed look.

"Do what?"

"A lot of things, Harry. Slept with some women. Cleaned me up. You know–actually, I don't know. I don't know why you're here or why you care about me."

Louis' eyes finally reached Harry's.

"I can explain, Lou. She wasn't sleeping with me! It was a porn video, god damn it! And she fancies me, so I figured if I– y'know, moan or some shit I'd make everything go quicker and she'd be done with herself in a short time so I could see you. I wasn't doing anything, Louis, I promise. I was sitting in the chair the whole time, sweared."

Louis was silent at first.  
"Why were you filming a porn video?"

Harry chuckled and Louis almost felt a little flutter in his chest.  
"She was my friend's ex. He wanted to get back at her by sending the video to everyone in her school, including teachers."

"We'll that's pretty harsh. Couldn't just have got revenge like a normal lad?"

"Yeah, he's complicated. It's probably going to ruin her life and any future careers she ever planned for. I kind of feel bad."

Harry carefully stepped his way over to Louis, sitting in the spot next to him and taking both of Louis' hands in his, looking him hard in the eye. 

"Lou, look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for scaring you like that and I just– I can't take it anymore. I need you. I need every part of you, you don't understand how much I do. Are you still angry with me?"  
Harry gave his best dough eyes.

Louis frowned and squeezed Harry's palms.

"No."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure I haven't updated this since B.C.  
>  Sorry about that.  
> Please forgive me as the whole month of May for me will just be taking major tests. I'll do my best to update as regularly as possible because I love you guys :)


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